A Rose by Any Other Name
by nnoitraslefthorn
Summary: Written for Athena Day. Please enjoy!


It had been several months since Aizen's defeat at the hands of Ichigo Kurosaki, and things had become rather quiet again within the Seireitei.

It was a sunny summer morning, and Shuuhei Hisagi was sprawled out on the grass of the sole garden in Squad 9's barracks. He was reminiscing about his former captain, Kaname Tousen, who during the final moments of his life had transformed into a giant bug for some reason? Huh. Weird.

Shuuhei looked up at the bright sky and sighed. He'd gone out the night before to drown his sorrows in alcohol as he usually does, but had ended up drinking far too much and had pissed himself in front of his one-sided crush, Rangiku, and literally everyone else. Remembering this distracted him from thoughts of Tousen and he flushed a dark red. If only his friends knew about his piss-related secret, they would surely have him kicked off the roof of the execution tower like Nelliel Tu Oderschwank lol.

Just before he could start to panic, though, he began to hear a faint buzzing noise coming from nearby. He dearly hoped it wasn't a wasp, because 1. that would be weird since they're in the spirit world and 2. he doesn't fuck with that shit. He sat up and turned his head in the direction of the sound, and spotted a bee, flying towards him. As it approached, he realized it was no ordinary bee. It was rather large but most importantly had a strange humanoid face, and it was smiling rather lazily.

Shuhei blinked, before reaching for Kazeshini lying by his side.

"No need for that, I'm no Hollow." The bee spoke in deep, rich voice, winking at Shuuhei and landing on the grass right next to him.

"W-what are you?" The vice-captain could barely believe what he was seeing. A bee that could talk?

"They call me Barry. Barry B. Benson. Nice to finally meet ya, Shuuhei."

"How do you know my name?" Shuuhei asked cautiously.

"I was sent here, to the afterlife, after some cuck crushed me with their smelly foot back in the living world. And I've been watching you for a while now." Seeing that Shuuhei looked even more confused, Barry added, "Ya like jazz?"

"What's that?"

"Don't worry about it. Anyways, I wanted to talk to ya about something I witnessed last night..." Shuuhei froze. Surely, he must be referring to what he did after pissing himself and waddling back to his room. Shit.

"I-it's not what you think! I'm not-"

"Relaaaaaaaaax, buddy. I don't judge. In fact, I was wondering if you'd let me indulge you in your... fantasies." Barry grinned and did that finger guns thing.

"I, uh- I kinda," Shuuhei blushed, struggling to string his words. "You're a bee though."

"Some guys fuck praying mantises, you shouldn't let that stop ya!"

Shuuhei frowned, Barry made a valid point. He could see the appeal. The bee had a handsome face, a wide smile and large kind eyes. Plus all this talk of piss was giving him a boner. Like an actual half-hard penis.

Barry licked his non-existant lips. "Need me to help with that, Shuuhei?" The bee's voice was taking a husky tone now.

Shuuhei looked around, making sure no one was watching this dangerous exchange before untying the sash of his shihakusho and eyeing Barry lustfully. "Give me what you've got, you sexy bee man."

Shuuhei parted his uniform, giving the bee access to his exposed chest. Barry wasted no time in latching onto one of the shinigami's nipples. Shuuhei swatted him away, panting softly. "None of that just yet. Give me what you promised." Barry nodded before bringing out his inverted bee penis. Shuuhei, after getting fully naked, got on all fours. "On my face. Please, Barry."

"Damn, Shuuhei... You sure know how to get a guy buzzin'."

Barry let out a moan before a tiny stream of hot bee piss started pouring from his weird yellow dick, and into Shuuhei's open mouth, hitting his tongue.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Shuuhei started guzzling down the piss, which wouldn't stop coming, albeit being in small amounts. Barry took his dick in his hands and started to aim his pee at the tattoo on the shinigami's cheek, and then at his hair. It was all too overwhelming for Shuuhei and the author of this fucking fic. He came all over the lawn beneath him, just from being pissed on by a hot bee, having barely touched his dick.

"That was pretty fast, honey." Barry smirked, tucking his dick back within his body.

"Yeah, well. The author just wants to get this over with. Hey, I need to go too." He gestured to his now-soft dick. "Want to return the favor?"

"I don't know about that. I mean, I've never-" Barry fumbled, embarassed.

"I'd never drank bee piss before either, you don't know 'til you try, Barry." Shuuhei gave him a winning toothy grin, and a thumbs up.

Barry's heart started thumping wildly in his chest, he really loved this guy, ever since he first laid eyes on him months ago. He nodded vigorously, and Shuuhei, visibly excited, got on his knees and aimed his cock at Barry, before a jet of piss spurted from his tip. The force of it was so strong that it projected Barry back instantly, crushing his tiny insect skeleton, and killing him. Shuuhei instantly cried out and rushed over to the bee's tiny, piss covered corpse.

And that is how Izuru Kira found his best friend : kneeling naked, covered in piss, and crying.

 **Epilogue**

Elsewhere, Captain Mayuri Kurotsutchi dropped dead, Light Yagami got shot, some random guy with a cockatiel hairstyle shaved off his fugly mustache and, more importantly, Nnoitra Gilga stepped on his fraccion's balls in Hell. It was a lovely summer morning.


End file.
